Saturday, November 24, 2007

Look what wondered into our backyard

I guess it's part of living next to a nature perserve area in the middle of nowhere, but todday we had a vistor in our backyard. The neighbors had told us that some people had put in fences so they didn't "lose" their small dogs, but I didn't know they meant they'd get eaten.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Open Letter to the Chairman of LULU

November 14, 2007



Mr. Dennis Wilson

2285 Clark Drive

Vancouver, BC





Dear Chairman Wilson:

I would like to propose a business combination which would be beneficial to both our companies. It appears your seaweed line of clothing has hit a snag - namely the lack of said seaweed in the line of clothing. I have a solution that will ensure you will never have to face the embarrassment of a test showing the lack of a labeled ingredient again.

I represent Unicorn Breeders LLC. We are the Category Captains engaged in the development of markets for our Grade A-Unicorn fur. While large-scale tests are currently underway, we believe Unicorn fur has health benefits - many the same as claimed by your seaweed-line of clothing. We also believe that our unique "UniPolymer" fur can reverse hair loss, melt off unwanted pounds and cause world peace to break out. Since you have a ready consumer base that is willing to pay extra for seaweed-infused shirts - a plant not nearly as cuddly and photogenic as any one of our members as our Unicorn herd - we believe marketing will be much easier for you as well. It's hard to imagine there is a group of people that would be willing to believe wearing shirts with seaweed is good for you yet ones with Unicorn fur is not. This is a slam dunk. Let's get this done.

I've saved the best news for last: Since we have an effective monopoly on the Unicorn trade, there is no control for nasty short-sellers to test against. As our herd of Unicorns is our most prized asset, you can rest easy in the knowledge the outside world will never know what the composition of Unicorn fur really is. We can provide you with cotton already mixed with Unicorn fur fibers to make sure there are no security breaches throughout the supply chain.

I know you'd like to think it over - probably over a morning bong hit. Take your time, but not too much time. We're also talking to other institutions. In fact, a major Central Bank is interested in using our fur for their currency due to it's ability to strengthen the currency in the face of both rate cuts and higher inflation. If we are going to supply the demand from both of you customers, we'll need to know soon in order to increase the herd size.

Ciao,

CY